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by Rand Golletz
Executive Coach and Consultant,
rand@randgolletz.com
DON’T BE A SLAVE TO
YOUR MIND
Last month I proposed the notion that without conscious,
intentional intervention, we all have the tendency to
automatically view the world through our own prism and
then assume that it represents objective reality. The
fact of the matter is, there is no objective reality.
We are constantly editing, judging, interpreting, comparing,
contrasting, speculating, rehearsing and worrying based
upon our own unique view of the world. As a result,
we don’t control our minds; our minds control
us.
In many self-help books, gurus implore us to view the
world positively, to see it as a source of abundance,
to view ourselves as gifts to the universe with unlimited
potential. Whenever I read one of those exhortations,
my first thought is either: “Hey, pal, that’s
easy for you to say.” Or, “Yea, right!
If we could all do this, the market for therapists would
diminish by 75%.”
My response is natural. It isn’t easy to undo
years of emotional conditioning. It is, however, possible
to develop the healthy habit of cultivating “mindfulness.”
What is Mindfulness?
Think about this: If you were able to stay completely
focused on what is going on at this very moment, without
being distracted by your own thoughts and without judging
(or any of the other verbs I employed in the first sentence
of the second paragraph), would your life be better?
Trust me, it would.
The problem is, like the man said when asked by a tourist
in New York how to get to Carnegie Hall, it takes “practice,
practice, practice.” For most people, practice
requires patience. We have been conditioned to seek
answers and cures that require a minimum of effort or
personal investment. What I propose as a starting point
will not get you to spiritual enlightenment or perfect
emotional health, but it will help you begin the journey.
Author and educator Jon Kabat-Zinn describes mindfulness
as “moment-to-moment non-judgmental awareness,
cultivated by paying attention in a specific way that
is in the present moment and is as non-reactive, as
non-judgmental and as openhearted as possible.”
Now there’s a mouthful — or mindful!
Kabat-Zinn is the founding director of the Stress Reduction
Clinic and the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health
Care and Society at the University of Massachusetts
Medical School. He developed an approach called “mindfulness
based stress reduction” that is now used and taught
worldwide.
(I don’t teach it, but for information you can
call me.) Using a process that integrates Buddhist-based
meditation and yoga, MBSR has achieved dramatic success
in reducing stress and improving peace of mind among
participants, now tens of thousands of people.
Although I recommend it, my job here is not to convince
you to meditate; it is to interest you in some of the
perspectives imparted and to compel you to examine your
thoughts and make intentional decisions about your actions.
Step one: Re-read last month’s article. I covered
the notion that clinging to perspectives and taking
action as if feelings are facts can lead you down a
descending spiral. With that, here’s the next
step:
When you are sitting in a meeting listening to the interaction,
draw a line down the center of a piece of paper. Over
the left column, write the heading “What was said.”
Over the right column write, “What I think about
what was said.” During the meeting, jot down a
few of the comments precisely. At the end of the meeting,
review each of the comments and in the second column
document your thoughts about each.
When you have documented these, ask yourself
the following questions:
• How do I feel about the comments and my reaction?
• What is the source of my reaction?
• Was my reaction based upon fact? Remember, facts
are things we see or hear personally. This is a big
deal and requires an example. Here’s a question:
You read in a newspaper that a man was shot on Main
Street. From your perspective, what is a fact?
You might say the fact is that a man was shot on Main
Street. Wrong! You did not see this happen.
From your perspective, the fact is that the newspaper
reported that a man was shot on Main Street.
The difference is not hair splitting. We create
facts out of our own feelings which derive from our
perspective. If you agree that many of your reactions
are not based upon facts, ask yourself the following:
• What other incidents in my life compel feelings
that drive inappropriate or dysfunctional behavior and
actions?
Now that I hopefully have you second-guessing yourself,
here’s step three: For one month, every time you
get frustrated or lose your temper, go through the process
of documenting what went on in your mind to stimulate
your response. Over time, begin to short-circuit your
automatic responses.
This is a great first step. Mindfulness takes this one
step further. It results in taming one’s mind
to automatically remain in the present – to observe
and appreciate what’s going on without imposing
our conditioning from the past or our anticipation about
the future. What a great way to live!
EDITOR’S NOTE: This is Rand Golletz’
last Executive Coach column, as he will be concentrating
on his own e-newsletter. To receive Rand’s e-newletter,
write him at rand@randgolletz.com.
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